My Goals for 2016

These aren’t mine. I’d like to give attribution, but I couldn’t determine the author. enjoy

The form I’m filling out has 2 options. The first is “Move to Trash.” Is my computer trying to tell me something?

1. “funny-road-sign-1My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds… only 15 to go.
2. Ate salad for dinner… Mostly croutons & tomatoes… Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce… And cheese… FINE! OK! OK! It was a pizza… I ate a pizza! Are you satisfied!?
3. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat.
4. I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
5. I don’t mean to brag but, I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed the school? Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny… or athletic… or good looking… or smart… or talented… I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day… and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money… so I woke up and searched with him!
13. My dentist told me I need a Crown. I said, “You bet. Pour mine over rocks.”
14. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.”

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